bi-focals

i wrote this with a heavy heart- like a thousand pound gorilla sitting on my chest. i was about to tell you how exactly i feel but you are a dear friend of mine and i don't want to break it. though we haven't discuss it before we parted, you will always have the special place in my heart. was i ever loved? does it matter?

well,i guess i have to move on, there's still life out there for me. thanks for the wonderful romantic friendship that we had.


Tempted by irrational beings -
whispering discounted thoughts
eating my brains slowly
chewing every single nerve.
I wanted to isolate myself
into the pit of darkness but
I could not get away with your shadow.
This boundless silence within my soul
creates a chaotic river in just a single tear
everytime I hear your voice.
My bitter fantasy,
you are just a pigment of my imagination
that I have made by mistake.
I bid you fare well
I will no longer cower for your presence
I will no longer call your name
I will no longer feel your flesh…
I will be awakened.

By Astrology.com

You definitely woke up on the right side of the bed this morning. Just make sure that your self-confidence doesn't devolve into arrogance. If you rely completely on your own devices, you may miss a wonderful opportunity to make a significant connection. The sound of your own voice may be music to your ears, but only by listening to others can you broaden your experience and expand your perceptions beyond your usual boundaries. Be open to the possibilities.

inkblot

its hard to believe that i am beginning to find a better place in this cubic world. before i tend to bounce back and forth inside this comical sphere...got nothing to lose now, i am bound to dissipitate. i blindly followed my instinct to look for the needle in the haystack but to my despair its more than what i have discovered. i have learned that the agony of pain being pricked a thousand times is nothing compared to piercing sadness.

all is gone, faded like a mist in the winter sun.
i am free to roam and spread my wings across the bed of blue skies.

volcanic nerves

this is for the person who awakened the black part of my soul...she's so annoying. she's so difficult to deal with and i can not stand with her attitude anymore. it seems like everythings' always a BIG deal, even petty things. she couldn't even take a joke for chrissake! she's starting to get into my nerves and i had enough.

Birthday Poem
Jan Kristy


Yes I'm Bitter

No more of this waffling
between cynicism and
unhappy compromise

I will rock my angry little boat
I intend for you to feel the ripples
I will shatter the
festering calm of our friendship

I'll jump overboard and drown
rather than let you push me below the water
slowly

I won't be fooled again

I know some things now
like how a smile can be more bitter
than an honest glare

and how there can be no defense against
the falseness of a friend

and how some scars
never will go away --

and how haughty anger
is only a disguise
for a heart sick
with sorrow.

memory droplets

Work is suspended today at 12 noon due to the coming typhoon, still I have to work on some unfinished business that was assigned to me by one of the supervisors. I arrived in the office five minutes to twelve (great timing!). So I grabbed the phone and dialed all the numbers listed on my checklist that I have to follow-up. Done.

On the lighter side, Jessica and I used to go out and loiter inside the mall even if its raining cats and dogs outside. We are invincible!

I missed her a lot. Especially when I'm sipping my morning coffee, the warmth the smell of the newly brewed coffee, sigh. The Saturday morning walks with her dog. The late night bed talks and sleep-overs. The unplanned gimmicks during weeknights (as if there's no work on the following day) movies, virtual car racing, breath-taking air hockey, some of our adventures in the arcade. Hmmm, I wonder if she misses those things like I do.