according to my star

Stop punishing yourself for imaginary sins and leave the past where it belongs: behind you. Learn to absorb the lessons you must from any mistakes you've made, but don't heap on the guilt for something that you did out of ignorance or naivete. If you never made any mistakes, you'd never learn. If you never learned, you'd never grow -- and that's absolutely no way to live.

break in

today i started working with the hotel corporate team as a secretary (reliever). the same routine back home except for the routing, photocopying, organized filing as well as the system itself. the boss, who preferred to be called an american rather than his true nationality as a syrian, is quite old to be my father well almost like a grandfather to be exact. he told me during the interview, the shortest that ive had, that he is difficult to work with and he has a bad attitude. i just replied him with my demonic bratty smile, just to say, "we'll see". one of his staff told me that he usually temperamental, sort of a warning for me not to take it personally, i am used to that so i guess there will be no problem.

i will do my best to stay in this job till, so i could save enough money for lasik (my eyes), small business and my studies (i want to finish college). i think three years would be enough.

every year i will look back on this post and check.

Retrospect

Seems like everything fall into their rightful places one at a time…I am so listless today, everyday. My moronic depressive ego’s taking over me—the funny bold bitch, and I can’t control it. Darn what’s happening to me, I’m beginning to eat myself again…I think I’m losing my mind, not used to this feeling and I hated it!!!!

F**… I am TORN!!!

Well, life goes on for a moron bitch like me.

God I hate confusions!!!???

Thanks to manic for yielding on me, I really appreciate it believe me I used it a shield to protect myself from these chaotic emotions. I’ve learned that I couldn’t go on with my life without real and true friends like you bitches, id rather be loveless than “friendless”. I am so weak when I am in love, baby knows about it…I couldn’t see the flaws even if it’s very vivid.

GOOD GRIEF! I am back to my senses again and I am FREE to decide!

Whew!

c”,)

posted by Vulnerable Bitch

Miss Hyde

(pixie's doing a yodel in the tune of "oops i did it again by britney spears" while dancing waltz)

Gotta to have a more intense jam-packed skeds for the rest of the week and weeks to come…it’s time to reinvent and reborn. The good old bitch that resides in my soul’s cramming up and ready to eat those egoistic essences of the “others”. …..blah, blah, blah

So much for these comic illusions…it’s fun to be with people with different kind of personalities, I kinda like it.

I found myself laughing awhile ago…good thing; there’s no one around to see. Nyaihahahahahahahahha…..hahah…….hhahha…….ha.

Yeah that’s much better to do than to hibernate…there are so many things to bitch and get bitched?!

I AM PROUD TO BE A MORONIC PIXIE BITCH!!!

reposted

This time I could probably say that I almost over YOU...there were times that I wanted to assume that YOU have something for me, but its just a wishful thinking...its so pathetic! I am not that persuasive enough to show how much I care for YOU, I don't even have the courage to say how much I love YOU...only in my mind and in my dreams, probably I did once...while sleeping.

anyway, this is for YOU.


TONIGHT I CAN WRITE
poetry of Pablo Neruda, read by Andy Garcia

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, `The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night, whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.
posted by Vulnerable Bitch 5:15 PM

lets see...

Connections can happen in the most unexpected places if you let them, so keep your eyes and ears (and mind) open. Someone different from your usual could come along, and they could enrich your life in ways that you didn't even think were possible. Now, don't go and try and predict who it'll be or what they'll be like. Let the universe do all the work on this one.

- By Astrology.com

slept early last night with a dose of melatonin, i had to, or else i wouldn't be in the hotel for my job interview this morning at 9. actually, i had an interview with them, the other department, two weeks ago. supposedly i will start this june 20 as a reliever, but they have decided to get someone from the other department maybe they are cost-cutting (whatever!). then i received a call yesterday afternoon and they wanted to see me and the GM forwarded my paper to them, again as a reliever. so i went for a series of tests (again) but this time with powerpoint presentatation and my typing abilities using MSword and excel (darn it). good thing though that the person whose in-charge is a Filipino.

their first impression about me, VERY SERIOUS (take note of that), he noticed that i typed so fast without looking at the dummy document. well, he didn't know that i am quite nervous and my palms are sweating (geesh). done with the tests. then again, he told me to wait (again and again and again...)for their call because their boss is on travel right now.

another test, this time its personal.

i have had a final closure with Someone (from the previous blogs).

DONE!

i got reconnected with a friend that i haven't seen nor heard for quite sometime now. i told her thru e-mail the things i missed about her, things that we did before. i am comfortable with her for a long time and so with my other friends. now its difficult for me to find or get way to meet new friends here specially when most of the people here are just fair weather friends. so i would rather stay inside the flat in front of the idiot box and stay up to 1:30 in the morning and get up at 9:00 am go to my aunt's office and stay online till 2:00 in the afternoon. this is my life here, no complications and stress-free. though sometimes i have to think about a lot of things--my plans. i have some in mind.

(sigh)